A life changed...

I'm blogging after a long period of dryness but crying inside...

After his demise, i was left in a state of blur-ness, feeling blank. Till now, i'm still like this.
Suddenly my life is turned upside down, having to deal on my own. The house no longer rings with his chatter. No life. No peace in my heart.

I found it hard to look at his framed photo without flinching. Esp the dread felt in the morn before I left for work. And the night when i feel the emptiness. It's the darkness of the event is swallowing me.

I still couldn't accept it despite my mum saying that it's an illness. I refused to look at the photo as he is to me, alive. Everyday I'm putting a mask of happiness when i'm dying little by little inside. Bitterness towards Him is also there. Even work made me tired and fatigued and my appetite went a rollercoater ride.

But yet this morn, i manganed to glance at his photo w/o flinching. Maybe it's a start of hope.
Many things remind of me of him which are fond memories which i hold onto.